Seven words that didn’t make the book. They’re still dangerous. Don’t say them either.
She excuses herself to “call her sister.”
A sandwich, a mushroom, a role in a movie.
“Substantial.” Or just “good.”
Order the salad. Become a vegetarian for the rest of the evening.
Movie night. He calls the lead role “really meaty.” She spends the rest of the movie watching him instead.
She asks what else you’re “a member” of that she should know about.
The warehouse club. The Rotary. The board.
“I have a card.”
Offer to go pick up the giant pack of paper towels. Alone.
At her cousin’s wedding he introduces himself to her grandmother: “I’m a member.” Of Costco. He never gets to the Costco part.
She pushes her plate away.
Grilled cheese. Lava cake. The blister story.
“Melty.”
Never tell the blister story. Not at dinner. Not ever.
Valentine’s Day, molten lava cake, full play-by-play. The couple at the next table asks for their check.
Whatever she’s doing, it’s more interesting than replying.
When you have nothing to say but want credit for saying it.
Something specific. “How’d the presentation go?”
Ask about the presentation.
Sent during her grandmother’s 90th birthday. She replies with a photo of Grandma reading it.
You RSVP’d like a hostage.
When she asks if you want to go to her friend’s thing.
“Sure!” or “Love that.”
Punctuation matters now. Learn it.
“Want to come to my friend’s birthday?” “sure.” With a period. She uninvites him. He spends the night wondering what happened.
She relaxes. Somewhere else.
It’s the cousin of “calm down.” Same family, same results.
“What would help?”
Run her a bath. Leave the room.
He says “relax” while she’s building the IKEA dresser he promised to build in March. She finishes it. One screw is left over. It’s for him.
She takes you at your word.
You’ve lost the argument and don’t want to say so.
“You’re right.” It’s two words. You can do it.
Say the two words.
He ends an argument with “whatever.” She answers every question with “whatever” for six weeks, including “Where do you want to eat?” which was already a problem.